im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
