so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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