I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
