His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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