The maid of honor just puked.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
