Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
