So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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