Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
