I hate all girls vehemently.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
