NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
