Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
