Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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