I skipped work to stalk him.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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