i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
