highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
