Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
