No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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