I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
