so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
