I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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