Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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