I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
