my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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