he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
