i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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