There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
