After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
