I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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