Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
