She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
