I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
