i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
