I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
