it's too hot outside to masturbate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
