You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
