so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
