They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
