I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
