i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
