It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
