Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
