i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
