just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
