omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
