that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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