I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
