Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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