The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
