Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
