I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
