what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
