you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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