ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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