I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
