I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
