God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
