I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
