So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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