I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
