Where is the hickey?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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