i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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