your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
