I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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