Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
